Home is where one starts from...

On Thursday I am flying to the city of my parents' meeting and courtship, the city of their wistful nostalgia at the mention of its name. It is the city of my pre-history, and the burial ground of my paternal grandparents. If time allows, I will try to spend a moment at their graveside. On Thursday, I am flying to Montreal.

To my knowledge, I've never been there. My mom and dad took us on a trip that way when I was two or three, but our car broke down in a small Francophone town called St. Isidore, and I fell out of the car, smashing my forehead on the curb. Blood spilled everywhere. My dad informed me (as he rushed me into some hospitable old lady's house to provide some First Aid), that I had broken my "pumper vein." So we didn't make it then to Montreal.

This time, I am going to lend a hand in the awe-inspiring, fatiguing, harrowing work of the Church (to attend our Archdiocesan Council meeting on behalf of the younger generations), a role I'm honoured to play - as an assistant to Fr. Richard. We go to parish rich in history, Sts. Peter and Paul Cathedral... almost 100 years old. It has struggled, and flourished, and declined, and now, again begins to open up. They have extended a warm invitation to us. It is the Church of the Apostles who at times vehemently disagreed, but continued to love each other anyway. It is the Church of Iron Sharpening Iron (Proverbs 27.17 ).

So it's time here again to return to Four Quartets, now to East Coker.

Home is where one starts from. As we grow older
The world becomes stranger, the pattern more complicated
Of dead and living. Not the intense moment
Isolated, with no before and after,
But a lifetime burning in every moment
And not the lifetime of one man only
But of old stones that cannot be deciphered.
There is a time for the evening under starlight,
A time for the evening under lamplight
(The evening with the photograph album).
Love is most nearly itself
When here and now cease to matter.
Old men ought to be explorers
Here or there does not matter
We must be still and still moving
Into another intensity
For a further union, a deeper communion
Through the dark cold and the empty desolation,
The wave cry, the wind cry, the vast waters
Of the petrel and the porpoise. In my end is my beginning.

From 1973...

American religion columnist, and "Crunchy Con," Rod Dreher posted two excerpts from Fr. Schmemann's Journals last week. The first one reminds me of Milton's poem "On His Blindness." It is a lesson I need to keep on learning, that "they also serve who only stand and wait." The second one resonates very strongly with me personally as I've been on the road a fair bit these days. Father Alexander's words about the warmth of lit windows reminded me of my days homeless in Paris. These bits are so good I cannot help but to share them here:


March 9, 1973

"Tragic news about Father N.'s breakdown. So the symptoms I had noticed three weeks ago were real. I am afraid that the reason is clear: "He buried himself in his activity." And that is just what one should not do. One becomes unable to put things in perspective, to detach oneself, to push away all the fuss and the petty details that encumber our life and can devour our hearts. Actually, the cause is the same arrogance that seeks to convince me that all depends on me all relates to me. Then the "I" is filling all reality, and the downfall begins. The essential error of the modern man is to identify life with activism, with thought, etc., hence an almost complete inability simply to "live," i.e., to feel, to appreciate, to live life as a continuous gift. To walk to the train station in a light that feels like spring, in the rain, to be able to see, to sense, to be conscious of a morning ray of sun on the wall -- all of these are the reality of life. They are not the conditions for activism or for thought, they are not just an indifferent background, they are the reason one acts and thinks. Only in that reality of life does God reveal Himself, and not in acts and thoughts. That is why Julien Green is right when he says: "all is elsewhere" -- "the only truth lies in the swaying of bare branches in the sky." The same is true of communication. One does not communicate through talks and debates. The deeper and more joyful the communication, the less it depends on words. On the contrary, one is almost afraid of words because they might destroy the communion, cut off the joy.

I felt that most acutely on that New Year's eve, when I sat in Paris, in Adamovich's mansard. I had always heard that he preferred to talk about unimportant little events. True. But not because there was nothing to talk about, but because communicaton was so clearly what was happening so vividly between us. Hence my dislike for "profound" and especially spiritual conversations. Did Christ converse with his twelve followers while walking along the roads of Galilee? Did he resolve their problems and difficulties? Christianity is the continuation of that communication, its reality, its joy and effectiveness. "It is good to be here."

Outside, a beautiful springlike day! It is almost hot. I spent the whole day at home at my desk. Happiness."

December 17, 1973
Home

"I love my home, and to leave home and be away overnight is always like dying -- returning seems so very far away! I am always full of joy when I think about home. All homes, with lit windows behind which people live, give me infinite pleasure. I would love to enter each of them, to feel its uniqueness, the quality of its warmth. Each time I see a man or a woman walking with shopping bags, that is, going home, I think about them: they are going home, to real life, and I feel good, and they become somehow close and dear. I am always intrigued: What do people do when they do not "do" anything, when they just live? That is when their life becomes important, when their fate is determined. Simple bourgeois happiness is often despised by activists of all sorts who quiet often do not realize the depth of life itself; who think that life is an accumulation of activities. God gives us His Life, not ideas, doctrines, rules. At home, when all is done, life itself begins. Christ was homeless not because He despised simple happiness -- He did have a childhood, family, home -- but because He was at home everywhere in the world, which His Father created as the "home" of man. "Peace be with this house." We have our home and God's home, the Church, and the deepest experience of the Church is that of a home. Always the same and, above anything else, life itself -- the Liturgy, evening, morning, a feast -- and not an activity."

The Trees are Glad You're Back

Krista and I have been listening to our friend Amy's new album The Trees Are Glad You're Back since Saturday night. In honour of the title, we dropped by her new place last night with a spruce-scented candle (and to pick up a few more cd's for friends). Anyway, these songs are excellent, and rightly garnering some critical acclaim. Here's what CKUA's Luka Symons had to say when Amy was her feature artist on Nightcap October 12th:

"Take a piano. Put it in your living room by the wood burning stove. But not too close. And write. Write until you can't help but want to play the songs outside of your living room. That's Amy Seeley. Originally hailing from Montana but now calling Edmonton home, The Trees Are Glad You're Back just out on Shameless Records is the first full-length release by this budding piano songstress. Here is a gifted songwriter, crafting painfully vulnerable reflections with an uncanny sense of dignity. Her captivating performances continually strike and emotional nerve with her audience. Trees gives listeners the heartbreaking magic they have come to hope for in any Seeley tale."

Congratulations, Amy!

Great day yesterday......

Update: Jim Forest's personal photos from the weekend are posted here.

The conference yesterday was really cool on "Climate of Fear, Commitment to Peace". The first morning session was "Merton and the Search for Peace", then we had a break....the second session in the morning had concurrent sessions....the option were: "Spiritually Surviving Two Wars and A Revolution", by Dittmar Mundel, "Mohandas Gandhi, Satyagraha and the Living out of Peace", by Hannah Goa and "African Culture & Merton's Vision of Peace: Common Spiritual Sources, by Bitupu-Mufuta Felicien. Matthew and I went to the one on Gandhi and Satyagraha.....it was really great. We would have loved to have gone to all three, unfortunately we can only be in one place at a time.....So, the afternoon started off with "War & Peace in Thoma Merton", by Ross Labrie (Oh yeah, I can't remember if Matthew mentioned it, but this conference was Co-sponsored with the Thomas Merton Society of Canada, so the in between sessions were about him and his writings...pretty facinating fellow!) So after that there were 3 more concurrent sessions: "Deep Structural Fear", by Archbishop Lazar Puhalo, "Exploring a Pedagogy of Peace through Public Confession", by Sean Wiebe and Mark Daley, and "Antidotes to Fear: A Conversation on Religions Capacity, by Zohra Husaini (who got a ride down to Camrose with Matthew and I....very beautiful person :), Virindra Lamba, & David Goa.....The day ended with Matthew and I singing the Akathist "Glory to God for All things" (hey! did you know that Akathist meant not sitting?....well, I didn't anyways :). So, that was really fun and it was a great way to end the conference....by acknowledging that Everything in God is for Glory.

Here is a pretty amazing prayer written my Thomas Merton that I just thought was definitely worth sharing - Thoughts in Solitude
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will doesn not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alones + + + (from the Abbey of Gethsemani)

I also thought this cool: From the ancient Jain religion of India, I thought this to be intriguing...that they do not even eat certain vegetables that have roots, because they have an immense respect for life. I just thought about how we too need to examine those things in our life that Have taken root that bring life to ourselves and those around us and to nuture those roots. As well to recongnize the roots within our brothers and sisters that bring them life and to help nurture that life in others and not to pull that life from the root. Also important, to examine those things that have taken root that are not healthy, and not from the Lord....those need to be pulled from the root to leave even more room for the life in us to take root.

We also went to this awesome cd release last night of our dear friend Amy Seeley....it was so great! Matthew and/or I will most likely tell you about it later......This afternoon were off to the final talk from Jim forest titled "Love Your Enemies as Yourself" :)

Sunday evening concluded with a great evening together at David and Anna's place. Here's one of Jim's photos of David, Krista, and I in the living room.

Tommorrow...

morning at 6:00am, David Goa, Archbishop LAZAR, and Jim Forest are picking me up and we're driving down to Camrose for this conference hosted by the Chester Ronning Centre
at Augustana. Jim is giving the keynote lecture entitled: "The Root of War is Fear." More and more, I am convinved that it is fear that is at the root of all kinds of sin, for it can quickly degrade into anger and hatred. The great antidote is to somehow, comprehensively, in our day-to-day lives, heed the angelic words "Fear Not!"

I am very much looking forward to this day together with these men. I know David and Vladika LAZAR well, and it is always life-giving to spend time with these "men of deep mind and strong heart," but I will be meeting Jim Forest for the first time. I'm tagging along to chauffeur him to a kidney dialysis appointment he requires first thing in the morning, and I see it as a great privilege. Jim was a personal friend of Thomas Merton, and his book Pilgrim to the Russian Church, documenting his visits to the Soviet Union in the 80s was very moving to me when I read it over ten years ago.

On Saturday afternoon, Krista and I will be telling the story of the Akathist Glory to God For All Things, and then we'll be singing it together as a conclusion to the conference.

Jim, in addition to his leadership of the Orthodox Peace Fellowship, has written several books, including ones on Merton and the founder of the Catholic Worker movement, Dorothy Day. I'll sign off today with an excerpt from a letter Merton wrote to Day in 1961, which I believe could help us all:

"Persons are not known by intellect alone, not by principles alone, but only by love. It is when we love the other, the enemy, that we obtain from God the key to an understanding of who he is, and who we are. It is only this realization that can open to us the real nature of our duty, and of right action. To shut out the person and to refuse to consider him as a person, as an other self, we resort to the 'impersonal law' and to abstract 'nature.' That is to say we block off the reality of the other, we cut the intercommunication of our nature and his nature, and we consider only our own nature with its rights, its claims, it demands. And we justify the evil we do to our brother because he is no longer a brother, he is merely an adversary, an accused. To restore communication, to see our oneness of nature with him, and to respect his personal rights and his integrity, his worthiness of love, we have to see ourselves as similarly accused along with him . . . and needing, with him, the ineffable gift of grace and mercy to be saved. Then, instead of pushing him down, trying to climb out by using his head as a stepping-stone for ourselves, we help ourselves to rise by helping him to rise. For when we extend our hand to the enemy who is sinking in the abyss, God reaches out to both of us, for it is He first of all who extends our hand to the enemy. It is He who 'saves himself' in the enemy, who makes use of us to recover the lost groat which is His image in our enemy." [ Letter to Dorothy Day, December 20, 1961; HGL, 140-43.]

good times with old friends...

I had a meeting out in east central Alberta tonight, so I stopped in Wainwright this afternoon to take a look at some buildings and also to catch up with some good old friends. Ryan is the pastor of the Nazarene Church there and we've been friends since camp days as kids back in BC. His gracious friendship has continued to be a blessing to me over the years, and visits with him are always life-giving for me somehow. We met up at the Church (which is launching expansion plans - the drawings looked quite beautiful), toured the new home he and Rachelle and the boys have built and are just about ready to move into, and then went for coffee. While we were visiting, lo and behold my good friend and college roommate Sean walked by outside! Brilliant. I'd been hoping to see him, so I dashed out and got his attention. Sean teaches Grade Six there in Wainwright, and is quite a gifted apiarist, amongst other things. He joined us for coffee, and we caught up a bit and just enjoyed the slow ryhthms of afternoon coffee that takes place in all small towns, everywhere. We joked at the high number of Nazarenes teaching in the elementary school there... nine? ten?! All in all, it was very good. No anxieties, no pressures. No earth-shattering news. Just life, together, as it comes, and the goodness of being with people who you know and who know you in return.

The Agony and the Ecstasy - The Church in America

I came across this informal, but incredibly informative talk by Fr. Thomas Hopko on the All Saints of Alaska website. It is on the history and experience of Orthodoxy in North America since the beginning of the Russian mission in 1794. Fr. Tom gave this talk about two years ago when he was in Victoria, and you get a real sense from him for his deep personal embodiment of the experience, suffering, chaos - as well as joy and mission of the Church. You can here it in his voice. You can listen to it online here.

From the Daily Readings...

One of my favourite Jewish Biblical scholars, Harvard's Jon Levenson, has just come out with a new book on the centrality of the concept of Resurrection in Judaism. The book, a la N.T. Wright, is called Resurrection and the Restoration of Israel:The Ultimate Victory of the God of Life. Significant coherence with today's Epistle:


Ephesians 2:19-3:7

"Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.

For this reason I, Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus for you Gentiles - if indeed you have heard of the dispensation of the grace of God which was given to me for you, how that by revelation He made known to me the mystery (as I have briefly written already, by which, when you read, you may understand my knowledge in the mystery of Christ), which in other ages was not made known to the sons of men, as it has now been revealed by the Spirit to His holy apostles and prophets: that the Gentiles should be fellow heirs, of the same body, and partakers of His promise in Christ through the gospel, of which I became a minister according to the gift of the grace of God given to me by the effective working of His power."